


2D is Weird.

by alexisntedgy



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Ableism, Angst, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic 2D, Autistic!Stuart Pot, Basically angsty autistic 2D, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Panic Attacks, Phase Four (Gorillaz), Sad Stuart "2D" Pot, Stimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 01:02:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19162633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexisntedgy/pseuds/alexisntedgy
Summary: 2D has always been a little different. Or, other people always thought he was. But when people keep telling someone that they're weird, it starts to get to you.Or, 2D is autistic and has a panic attack because of his ~issues~.TW for internalized ableism, panic attacks, and general ableism. Any other TWs in the notes.





	2D is Weird.

**Author's Note:**

> TW for internalized ableism (he's an undiagnosed autistic boyo who struggles!!!), Panic attacks, ableism (Murdoc being a dick), insomnia, implied/referenced sensory overload and references to drug addiction. 
> 
> If this does okay, I might do a series on autistic 2D?? Not sure yet. But I love this head-canon!!!! He's so Autistic it's great

3AM. 

It's always 3AM. 

Stuart isn't sure why. Maybe some kind of sleep demon wakes him up every night at that exact time. It certainly wouldn't be the strangest thing to happen to the man, so it seemed perfectly plausible. 

But right now, he couldn't see a sleep demon. He couldn't see anything, actually. His bedroom was dark, a soft breeze blowing through his open window. He took his shaking hands and rubbed them together soothingly, before pulling the extra blanket at the end of his bed over himself. 

2D shivered as moonlight shone through his window, highlighting the man's pale skin. He looked down at his hands, still rubbing them together. 

2D is weird. 

He knows he isn't normal. That's what he's told, all the time, mostly by Murdoc. He was only famous because of Murdoc, only successful because of that fateful "accident". 

Murdoc always rolled his eyes when 2D ranted happily about zombie films. When 2D rocked on his toes, the man snapped at him, demanding that he stop moving. But sometimes, when he was in an alright mood, Murdoc would listen to 2D's rants. Sometimes, he would let 2D rock back and forth in the way that seemed to calm him so much. 

2D stood up, walking over to the window. He looked out, taking a shaky breath. Sleep would never come now, he knew that well enough. There was little to see around the spirit house. But it was a dark and scary place, regardless. 

2D is tired.

So, so tired of everything. Of getting high just to feel okay, of being told to shut up whenever he opened his mouth, of being treated worse than that bloody monkey Noodle had once owned. If he could, he would run away and start his own career, maybe inviting Noodle and Russel to come with him.

But he knew he was nothing without Murdoc. Not really. 

Stu kicked the wastepaper basket in the corner of his room half-heartedly, deciding to head downstairs and watch TV or something. If he was lucky, the late night (or early morning, depending on your perspective) television programs wouldn't be too horrifying and/or boring. 

He tiptoed through the house, but it creaked anyway. It always made scary noises, creaking and groaning under 2D's feet. Noodle always said it was the house settling, but 2D had had experiences that made him think it was something more sinister. 

He started creeping down the staircase, stopping suddenly when he noticed a light on in the living room. He cursed under his breath. If he disturbed Murdoc during one of his sadness-fueled drinking sessions, the result wouldn't be pretty. 2D was about to turn around carefully, when he tripped over a dodgy floorboard and ended up, with an incredible lack of grace, on his bottom. 

"Hey, D'? That you?"

2D relaxed at the sound of Noodle's voice. He brushed himself off and stood up, hoping a quick recovery would salvage some of his pride. "Yeah, it's me, luv." He whispered. 

He walked into the living room, where he found his little sister sitting on the lounge with a bowl of popcorn nearly as big as her head. She smiled at 2D, the smile fading when she noticed how sad he seemed.

"Are you alright, Stu?" 

2D walked over to the couch and sat next to her. "I'm just tired, that's all, Noods." The trained super-soldier surveyed him and knew he was lying, but she left it. Good, 2D didn't want to talk about it. 

Definitely. 

"What'ya watchin'?" 2D asked, looking at the woman on the TV talk to some man in a foreign language. Noodle shrugged. "I don't really know, whatever's on. I couldn't sleep." 2D nodded, not knowing what to say despite the fact that he was currently having the same issue. 

2D is an idiot.

He can't even figure out how to reply to Noodle's simple statement about not being able to sleep, despite the fact that whatever he was feeling, it was almost certainly something she could relate to. 

He messes up his words, and doesn't know what metaphors mean, and is only knowledgeable on keyboards and zombie flicks. He gets high everyday, he can't even tie his own shoelaces, for God's sake. 

The man puts his hands on his face, his breathing getting faster. Great, now he's stressed out. Because of how stupid he is. 

Idiot. 

He always manages to work himself up, till he's crying. When it's loud, and everything smells, and people are everywhere, he always runs. He runs and cries and screams. There's never anything that's an actual threat to his safety. It's just all too much. 

This time, though, he was crawling with anxiety. It coursed through his veins, whispering lies in his ears. Stupid, idiot, freak, disgusting, worthless. And they all felt so true. He knew he was all of those things. 

Noodle noticed as he started making pathetic sobbing noises, tears beginning to drip down his face. He cursed himself internally as Noodle crouched in front of him. 

Noodle is younger than him, but she's smarter. She's sharp and she keeps people's attention in all the right ways. She knows what to say. 2D doesn't. 2D screws everything up for himself. 

"Hey, hey, Toochi? You're okay. You're at home, in the spirit house." 

2D ran his fingers through his thick blue hair, looking into the younger woman's eyes. They were calm, and in control, and they had pupils, for God's sake. 

2D is a freak. 

"I'm so, s-so s-stupid Noods..." He chokes out. His friend shakes her head. "No, Stuart. You're not stupid." She was lying, 2D knew it. Because 2D is an idiot, Murdoc says so. The newspapers say so. The reviewers and media say so, calling him dimwitted and dumb. Even the fans call him an idiot, even if they think it's adorable or some shit. 

"Listen, 2D. You are having a panic attack. You will be okay, just breathe with me." She took a big breath in, then out. She repeated the breathing technique, and eventually, 2D started following the rise and fall of her chest. 

"I-i-i'm such an idiot. I'm not g-good for anythin', Noodle. Just singin', and anyone can do that." Noodle shook her head, smiling sadly. She put her hands over 2D's as his breathing slowed. "Being different doesn't mean you aren't smart, 2D. You know lots of things. But that isn't what makes you a great person."

2D scoffed. 

"I could neva' be someone like you, Noods. You...you understand things." He gestured into the air, trying to find a way to word what he meant. Noodle smiled at the confused man. "You don't have to be like me, D. You're the only Stuart Pot on earth, and that's pretty fuckin' cool if you ask me." 

Stuart laughed softly, not quite believing her. He rocked on the couch, shaking his hands around, feeling the excess energy in his fingertips evaporate. It felt almost magical, alive. More alive than he felt when he was high on painkillers, at least. 

2D fell asleep, a rare occurrence after one of his 3AM wakeups. He felt his head droop onto a cushion on the side of the couch, his legs pushing into his younger sister, his knees bent so he would fit. He felt his breathing slow, the white noise of the TV in the background. 

That morning, he woke up to Murdoc dropping a pan on the floor, but his yelling didn't hurt as much as usual. 

2D is weird, and that is okay.

**Author's Note:**

> I really want to do some happier autistic!2D fics but HERE THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR NOW
> 
> I low-key hate this sksksk


End file.
